The financial sins of a marriage
This morning I get a call a gentleman. He asked me a number of questions. “Are you So-n-So? Are you or were you married to Mr. So-n-So?” I stupidly answered yes.
“Well I have a bill here that has been turned over to collections in the name of Mr. So-n-So. The payments to this credit card stopped in December of 2009 It was opened in 2005 and since you were married at that time…. “ You get the idea. We refinanced our house in um… 2006 I think and all the credit cards we had at that time, that *I* knew about, were paid off. I am not about to pay off a credit card that is in my ex-husbands name that I knew nothing about just because he had stopped paying them. I had to take on my own credit card debt at the time, so he should do the same.
I have my own debt. That’s why I’m here. I really don’t need to be taking on his debt too. Seriously? Not to mention the fact that I am the oldest child and am taking on the responsibility of executor of Mom’s estate. Do I look like a bank?
What diet?
It’s the holidays. As if my diet wasn’t already thrown out the window, now we have to add holiday goodies to the mix. I know, I just have to walk away and make a good choice. Why bother? Red Licorice? HAH! Not on your life can I walk away. Cookies, totilla chips, salsa, candy, potlucks… I forgot to mention that I had brought home 2 cookie platters and a some tub of homemade cookies from the funeral.
Really, I’m just not going to bother quite yet.
Trying to go back to normal
I’m still sidetracking this blog. Today I returned to work and dreading Christmas shopping for my girls. I’m tired, low on funds and can’t get my brain to function, let alone get into the Christmas spirit.
On the clutter front… ya, right.
sigh
When you bring home “stuff” from your deceased parents’ home into an already too small and cluttered apartment, you have more clutter. Yes, it reproduces all on its own.
Remembering Mom
Late Friday night I find myself sitting in front of the TV with my laptop and printer/scanner on the craft table and boxes of pictures. I’ve gone through the old pictures I have of Mom. I was given 2 old albums of pictures from Mom’s. So much to scan. I also spent this time typing out an eulogy. What we had typed out previously was just bullet points of moves that she’d made in her life. I added a few lines and went to bed.
On Saturday I got up a little later than I should have. I got myself together and headed out the door. Tire pressure light came back on. A trip off to Discount Tires and they tell me what I really didn’t WANT to know right then and there…. I had a nail. I told them I couldn’t deal with it right then and there, just put on the spare. I was on the phone with my brother, pulling the spare out of the trunk while the guy was getting the jack. I was going to be late. Figures, “Hoover” standard time as per the usual.
Lesson for today, don’t ignore your tire pressure light until you MUST do something with it.
I got to the school where the staff had so generously offered for a memorial just prior to start time. I had meant to be there at 1pm. I will just be satisfied with the fact that I had the tire changed before I drove down. I met with the pastor and decided that I would do the eulogy. I did a frakking fine job of it too if I do say so myself. As long as I didn’t see someone openly crying as I was speaking I was find. I had to pause a time or two to fight back tears. I hope I did my mom justice. I did the one thing I wasn’t sure I could do, I sang. I sang loud, I sang proud and I held it together for as long as I could. I was flat in places, I warbled in places but I did what I thought I couldn’t do.
So, to my Mom -
Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound,
That saved a wretch like me.
I once was lost but now am found,
Was blind, but now I see.T’was Grace that taught my heart to fear.
And Grace, my fears relieved.
How precious did that Grace appear
The hour I first believed.Through many dangers, toils and snares
I have already come;
‘Tis Grace that brought me safe thus far
and Grace will lead me home.The Lord has promised good to me.
His word my hope secures.
He will my shield and portion be,
As long as life endures.Yea, when this flesh and heart shall fail,
And mortal life shall cease,
I shall possess within the veil,
A life of joy and peace.When we’ve been here ten thousand years
Bright shining as the sun.
We’ve no less days to sing God’s praise
Than when we’ve first begun.
A receipt from 2006
Moving onto food this week is useless. What I said last week is really all that needs to be said. There was a little exercise to day, getting down on the floor, go through a box, get up, move things to another box, take the trash out etc.
I mentioned last week that Mom was a clutter bug. I stand by that statement. My Mom’s way of cleaning was to put everything on a surface into a bag and put it in another room. Out of sight out of mind, right? She had 2 dressers. One was mostly empty of clothes and held some papers and receipts, mostly random stuff. The other held her “small clothes”
Lesson for the day, do NOT let your clutter own you. This is precisely why this blog exists.
We found many receipts from 2006. Random things, catalogs, coupons, junkmail, useless things. Bills from this and that. Lists. Pictures. The one thing we had been looking for never turned up, a power of attorney. By some small miracle I did find a folder that had some things we did need, put away from when Dad passed, her birth certificate, their marriage license, his death certificate and his DD214 papers from the Air Force.
Christmas decorations, Easter, Halloween and everything in between. Candles, figurines, jewlery and video tapes. Yup, nearly 4 whole boxes of video tapes, cassettes and DVD’s. Pills, blood pressure cup, a soft cast, a half dozen lances and countless expired diabetic strips. Antiques and old junk. You name what you’d expect to find in a 66 year old woman’s house, it was probably there.
We took at least 3 cars full of items to a woman’s shelter. Mostly clothes but also figurines and half used toiletries. Enough costume jewlery to become her own Avon distributor.
Oh and the dust. Between 2 smokers and all the dust in Mom’s place, I had to fight my asthma. Thank goodness she had an inhaler.
Not my day
This is supposed to be a clutter day. Oh the things I can say about clutter! Friday afternoon, my mom’s co-workers had been begging to do something. Since my aunts were flying in from halfway across the states and were going to stay at Mom’s, I consented to let them come clean. They got there about 15 minutes before I had and even then I didn’t recognize the place! Mom has always been a clutter bug, more so over the past 5 years. When I first went over to the house last week her room had clothes drapped over EVERYTHING. The bathroom’s second sink was covered in dust that would make you wonder if the dessert had moved in. Spotless I tell you, spotless when they were finished.
As Flylady might say, God Bless the cleaning Angels!
Friday after we had made our decision we called nearly everyone we could think of to invite them to say their good-byes on Saturday. Up until this point we’ve turned pretty much everyone away with the exception of a classmate that we’ve known since we moved into the area. She might as well be a sister and stayed with us for many hours. Even on Saturday, most people refused to believe they were saying good-bye. I really wanted a miracle to happen. I saw the changes daily, I knew there would be no miracle.
My aunts arrived Sunday night late. My brother retrieved them from Mom’s and brought them to the hospital where I met them. I won’t belabor the day, we spoke with the Palliative Care doctor once more with our aunts. By lunchtime we had them remove her dialysis machine and we left to go eat. When we got back, they were cleaning Mom up and making her comfortable. Once she was cleaned up, they removed her breathing tube and it was then all up to Mom. There were tears, stories about Mom, a prayer or two by the chaplin and lots of waiting. The stubborn old woman gave it her best for the better part of 4 hours and then peacefully passed away.